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Relational Concerns
Relationships are an extremely personal aspect of our life and an area that requires a sensitive and thoughtful approach. In my view, when working with relational issues, counselling or psychotherapy fall short if they simply aim at getting rid of the identified problems. We feel a need to understand our experience perhaps knowing that this is one way to avoid repetition of the same mistakes in the future! This is equally important when reconciliation is not possible or when there is a realization that the relationship must come to an end to preserve one’s sanity.
This does not imply that couples and individuals seeking help about relational issues must necessarily seek long-term therapy. Often a limited number of sessions prove sufficient to both alleviate a crisis and provide some awareness of ‘what goes wrong’. Some individuals and couples require and desire a more explorative, long-term approach and this may at times be advisable. You will need to choose what you believe is likely to be more helpful to yourself and every few sessions, progress will be evaluated to ensure that desired goals are reached.
| Professional assistance is likely to facilitate change when: |
- Living together becomes generally distressing
- Hope starts to fade that the relationship will ever be mutually satisfying
- Relatively minor issues provoke excessive personal turmoil and perhaps aggression
- Communication is impaired
- Relational problems are impacting other areas of one’s life (e.g. children and work life)
- Sexuality becomes a problem area instead of a source of pleasure and togetherness
- Infidelity undermines the couple’s stability
- An imbalance of power coupled with treats of violence cause serious concern
- A desire to terminate the relationship is coupled with a hope for a less conflict ridden closure
- Other couple-specific experiences erode the quality of the relationship but cannot be talked about.
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Whatever your current relational problem, you can contact me for a consultation to explore the likelihood that counselling or psychotherapy will be able to be of help in your situation and to make appropriate referral if this is called for.
A note for men (and their partners)
Stereotypes, and to some degree, experience suggests that men are less enthusiastic than women about seeking help when they face relational (and other) difficulties. While men are often blamed for such avoidance, this behaviour may be partly explained by the nature of counselling itself. Some critics have noted that counselling and psychotherapy originally developed in a context where women were the prototype client (which in many ways reflected prejudice against women) such that men’s needs were largely ignored in the mistaken belief that men are essentially less prone to distress (thus failing to be sensitive to men’s situations). This often resulted in psychology and psychotherapy failing to address core issues in men’s lives.
Fortunately, in the last twenty years, this imbalance has been addressed with research and theoretical developments that provide men with a more experience-near understanding of their behaviours, dilemmas and feelings. I have a keen interest in male psychology and gender-sensitive psychotherapy and this normally allows me to provide a context in which most people can discuss matters that are of importance to themselves with ease. If you are male (or female) and uncomfortable with what counselling or psychotherapy might involve for yourself or your partner, I am available for a brief discussion of these matters over the phone and possibly to arrange for a lengthier consultation.
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